Life Story
God started the recovery process with my addiction to work. He helped me to set boundaries on my workday and to resist the urges to do a little more, to over-analyze, and to sit at the computer just a little longer. I couldn’t do that on my own for years!
God then cancelled the effects of pornography, soap operas, romance novels, and pro-feminist magazines. The moment I threw them out of my house, I was free. I’ve chosen to be very intentional about boundaries in this area, placing limits on what I watch and listen to so I don’t fall back into that trap.
Other addictions and compulsive behaviors have been more difficult for me.
- Rescuing and fixing people.
- Trying to please them.
- Saying “Yes” when I really wanted to say, “No.”
- Prioritizing people’s wants over my needs.
- Keeping silent instead of speaking up.
- Compromising my values so others wouldn’t stop liking me.
- Becoming a venting spot and dumping ground for people.
I mistook all of these things for acceptance and intimacy. They were counterfeits. I was still empty, and my body started to cave again. I’m not a quick learner for some things. 😉
At the request of my doctor, I started counseling. In the very first session, I came out of denial. I am codependent. I am addicted to controlling people, behaviors, and things to try to control my inner feelings of low self-worth.
After that first counseling session, I searched for scriptures about how God truly felt about me. Slowly, I started to believe that I matter to God.
Now I know God loves me for who I am, not what I do or don’t do. He loved me before I ever did a single thing (Titus 3:4-5). And He has known me from the very beginning (Psalm 139:13).
He knows my innermost desires, my hurts, and my struggles. And even when I can’t put words together to tell him how I feel, he understands the cries of my heart (Romans 8:26).
No one knows me like He does. I don’t need to strive with him. I can just be – and He won’t ever stop loving me (Jeremiah 31:3). He won’t ever reject me.
Yes, I still struggle, but believing Truth always sets me free.
